Hello everyone,
Today I will be telling you about my surface features, Surface features are little bit in your writing like repeated words, spelling. We need to use to use surface features because it makes our writing easier for people to read. An example is: thissentsaChulymakessen Zbuttisrellyhrd to reed This sentence doesn't have surface features We had to fix our writing if too many words where the same.
On our Room 9 writing site we our teacher put on a link to a story we needed to fix. We made our own copy. We had to read it once and find the end of the sentences. We would put capital letters after the full stops. We new where the full stops had to go because there was a new idea so we put full stops there.
We had to read it again and fix the writing if it doesn't make scene and highlight all the repeating words. It sounds better if the words aren't the same over and over again. One of the words we highlighted was 'he' then changed the name of the character.
Yesterday we read through it together and added some paragraphs. We got some people up the front to read aloud the fixed story. Xavier, Rinaz and Sean where the characters Xavier was very scary.
This is not our ideas or writing we just had to fix the surface features. This is what we had to fix :
He kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder he tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed he was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house. Mums had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us maybe he was one of them looking for revenge but why would he come. mum would just move and how did he find us we live on the other side of the planet from where all of mums boyfriends were so how could he find us he might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of the devises ‘Hello where are you I know your here you're going to tell me where you're mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be death or freedom you have 10 seconds chose wisely’.
This is the writing I fixed
Mark kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder. He tried not to suffocate as He laid under the bed. wondering what had happened to his brother and his family.
The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house.
Mum has had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us. Maybe The man was one of them looking for revenge, but why would he come? Mum would just move. How did he find us? We live on the other side of the planet from where all of mum’s boyfriends were so how could he find us? The creep might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of her devices. “Hello where are you”?
I know your here. you're going to tell me where your mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies. So which will it be, death or freedom! you have ten seconds to choose wisely.”
Can you see the changes that we made.
Thank you for reading my blog hope you have a good day bye.
